The past year and a half or so has been pretty hard for me for a variety of reasons including but not limited to being literally a world away from The King and some career things that I won't bore you with.
I know that there are a lot of people much worse off than me. I know that in general I have led a very blessed life, and therefore I shouldn't whine or complain, but the point is that for a good long while I felt nearly constantly depressed, heartsick, and lonely.
And I think that that is part of what turned me towards environmentalism. Similar to how some people find God in tough times, I found living simply.
I guess it gave me a project. It gave me something to do. Something to think about other than myself that was greater than myself. I've already written about how this experiment has affected me monetarily, and as I wrote, the reason that my finances got better is also the same reason that I started to get better. By focusing on something greater than myself, I was able to pull myself out my funk.
I'm not really a religious person. I was brought up in a household where religion didn't enter the picture too much. And yet, instinctively, in hard times I followed the path of a more spiritual person. I started to focus on a greater cause, and I took a leap of faith that my teeny tiny individual actions of not buying clothes or not using toilet paper or bringing my own bag could have some positive impact on the world.
I became more involved in the world around me. I started getting more involved with my volunteer organization, and going to see more local LA bands. I started just walking around the neighborhood more. At first, I was going through the motions. But gradually, I started to realize that ever so slowly, the fog was lifting.
I found a vibrant, wonderful community of fellow bloggers, all of you amazing people who share your lives with me and read my stories even though you've never met me, and don't even know my real name.
I was talking to a friend last night about how much things have sucked and been awful in the past year or so, and I realized that, amazingly, I feel okay now. In fact I feel really good, maybe not the best I've ever been, but probably emotionally healthier than I've ever felt in my life. Because now every day is a new adventure in which I might decide to try out a new recipe, or organize a clothing swap, or write a letter to my legislators about a high speed train. I can't tell you how empowering that is. And every day I read your blogs and I learn something new, or someone makes me think about something I've never thought of before.
I've never been someone who lived much in the moment. I've always been the type to dream (and unfortunately stress out) about what might be or what will be.
I still think about the future of course. But not obsessively. Not as much as I used to. Because, for the first time in my life, I'm learning how to live one day at a time. For the first time in my life, I'm learning to enjoy the journey.
(Whew! What is up with all these introspective posts! I promise tomorrow I'll post about something that isn't me, me, me!)
5 months ago