Off the Wagon

So once upon a time, I learned about how soda was bad for you and the environment for a multitude of reasons. There was the high fructose corn syrup, there was the manufacturing of the soda, there are lots and lots of reasons.

So I quit soda. Mind you, at the time, I was working in an office where there was abundant soda located in a fridge next to my desk. But I quit fairly successfully, only occasionally resorting to a Jones soda. Mmmm Jones.

Then I came to school.

I now drink soda every day.

It's funny how bad habits are hard to break, and easy to fall back into.

As my exams approach, I feel like I am breaking down, physically and mentally. My brain is over-taxed. I have tendinitis in my wrist. My room looks like it's been hit by an 8.0 earthquake.

And somehow, the only way I've managed to cope is through copious amounts of chocolate and caffeine administered at regular intervals.

I know there's got to be a healthier and better way. But is there a healthier way that also involves no time preparation?

What do you do when you're jammed to the wall, stressed, and literally cannot take 20 minutes out of your day without feeling guilty? How do you cope?

On Risk Assessment, Stressing Less, and Other Thoughts

Apparently I was much, much more out of shape than I thought because that two miles to the metro today was killer. Seriously, my legs were kind of spasming up by the end. By the time I made it to the metro, I was ready for a nap.

So I am glad that this challenge is forcing me to get exercise, but I kind of wonder why exactly I need to be forced to get exercise? I can challenge myself to not buy new stuff for a year and I can do that (less than 4 months to go, baby!) and I can challenge myself to not eat pre-packaged meals, and I can do that. I can even challenge myself not to use toilet paper and do that! So why is it that when I challenge myself to exercise for half an hour a day four days a week, I fall flat on my face?

Why do I stress out about global warming and peak oil, both of which are pretty much entirely out of my control? Am I going to die of global warming? Pretty damn unlikely. In fact, it is much more probable that I would die of heart disease. I have a history of high cholesterol, and my father passed away of a massive heart attack. You would think that exercising every day would be a no brainer.

Except that it's not. And I'm not alone. According to a 2006 Time Magazine article on risk, I'm pretty average:

Shadowed by peril as we are, you would think we'd get pretty good at distinguishing the risks likeliest to do us in from the ones that are statistical long shots. But you would be wrong. We agonize over avian flu, which to date has killed precisely no one in the U.S., but have to be cajoled into getting vaccinated for the common flu, which contributes to the deaths of 36,000 Americans each year. We wring our hands over the mad cow pathogen that might be (but almost certainly isn't) in our hamburger and worry far less about the cholesterol that contributes to the heart disease that kills 700,000 of us annually.

Ring true to you? It does for me. In fact, I would go out on a limb and say that I think in the past few months I have worried considerably more about getting cancer from microwaved tupperware, than I have worried about having a heart attack. Rationally, this makes no sense. But, then again, people aren't rational.

Lately, my life has been going through a lot of turmoil. I always figured I'd be pretty settled in my late twenties ... married, with kids, and successful career. But beyond that, and more importantly, I thought I'd know the answers. And I don't. I really, really don't.

I've also had a lot of moments of poutiness, where I've felt frustrated with the current state of affairs in the world: financial crisis, rising food prices, global warming, disaster in Iraq, rising trade deficits, etc etc. On several occasions I have thought, why do MY twenties have to be so unstable? Why is so everything so difficult and insecure and at a crisis point NOW?

And then I have to step back and remember ... the world has been in crisis before. Can I really say that I am worse off than people who came of age during the Vietnam War? Or World War II? For all the doomsaying going on in the 24-hour news media (At 11:00 pm, we'll talk about how Avian Bird Flu, SARS and Ebola got together to create AvARSola, a disease so dangerous, you're probably already dead!) the threat of nuclear warfare is much lower now than it was in the 1960s and 1970s.

And so, I have been trying more and more to give myself a good dose of perspective when necessary. When I am stressed out about something that is out of my control, or that is unlikely to actually be a problem, I take a deep breath, and tell myelf, "You are being irrational," or "There is nothing you can do." And then I try and find something completely unrelated to do.

Does it work? Well ... no, not always. But I find that the mere act of recognizing that I'm being irrational, or that I'm worrying about something out of my control is in itself important and helps me to calm down. Even more important, though, is being dismissive of my irrational self. I used to get freaked out about stuff, and think, "I know this is crazy but..." But that, in a sense, was giving credence to the crazy thoughts. Now, my attitude is, "I know this is crazy." Fullstop. No ifs, ands or buts.

Now you might be thinking, "Okay, Arduous but irrational and out of your control are two different things." And they are. And look, I'm not saying we should duck our heads under the sand and not pay attention to the problems around us. But I think, in terms of our own personal sanity, irrational and out of your control are more or less the same.

I can't control global warming. I really can't. I can do my best to lessen my impact, and I do, because it feels right. I can write letters, and I can vote and I can act as an empowered citizen. But at the end of the day, what will be, will be, and my stressing out over it is not going to do a damn thing.

The problem with stressing about the irrational and the unchangeable is it allows you to ignore the real issues that you can change. Which is problematic. So, ultimately, while it's good that I am exercising more and eating healthier foods, it does give me pause that I'll walk to the metro to cut carbon emissions, but I won't take the initiative to walk for my own well being. And that I'll cook to cut down on packaging, but not because it's healthier for me than a diet of Lean Cuisine. I guess I'm lucky the health of the planet and my own personal health line up so neatly!

Updating Goodness

Hey guys! I'm back! I decided to do Melinda's Technology Challenge, so I spent 43.33 hours without my TV and internet! (I did use my car, and car radio, cell phone, and kitchen appliances though.) I thought about going the whole 47 hour weekend, but finally at 8:20 PM I couldn't stand NOT KNOWING WHAT WAS GOING ON! So I fired up the TV and the internet to find out what I missed. (Turned out, not a whole lot.)

Anyway, it was an interesting challenge. It turns out that I use my computer/internet for just about everything and am pretty darn unproductive without it. So I spent most of the weekend reading and drinking cups of tea. On the whole, not a bad way to spend a weekend!

The Technology Challenge is one of four challenges I've been undertaking (well I guess five if you count Freeze Yer Buns which I don't really at this point.) I really like challenges, because even if I don't meet my goals, I think that by setting the goals I get further than I would have otherwise.

For example, while I haven't met all the goals I set for Chile's Stress Less Challenge, I have taken more time to appreciate the little things in my life.

The Armchair Activist challenge is also going well though I am finding it's not easy to come up with fifteen minutes every day. But what I like about this challenge is that, even after 9 days, I feel more connected to things going around in the world around me. The other day I spent my fifteen minutes talking to a girl in front of the Trader Joe's who was trying to get a petition to the State Legislature signed for a high speed train between LA and San Francisco. Now, you've got to understand, people have been talking about that high speed train since the dawn of time. So we Californians do tend to dismiss the LA-SF train as something nice that will happen about the time when world peace is achieved. Imagine my surprise when I learned that the train is very likely going to be on the ballot in November. As in 8 months from now. And that if the measure succeeds, certain regions could be connected within the next couple years.

But the train still needs legislator support. So, if you're a Californian, please sign the petition at Calpirg.org and tell your state legislators that you want to finally, finally!, make the high speed train between Los Angeles and San Francisco a reality.

Stress Less

Well voting is still ongoing for my March challenge. But because I LOVE challenges and am a HUGE SUCKER and also Freeze Yer Buns is basically over, I am also taking on a challenge from Chile- The Stress Less Challenge.

February has been a bad month for me and the stress has brought a return to bad habits like eating a couple pre-packaged frozen dinners. Bad for me, bad for the earth. I attribute this to stress and bad time management. Of course, I am not entirely to blame- I couldn't really anticipate having to be away from home last weekend, but I still spend too much time tooling around on the computer when I could be ... doing anything else.

I have also been doing other very bad things including skipping meals, not exercising, not doing any yoga, and having bad sleep and nightmares because of it.

Chile is asking that we all take 30 minutes a day to do something to de-stress whether it is exercise or yoga or meditation etc. I'm going to formalize this a bit more.

For the month of March I'm going to do some cardio exercise for a minimum of 30 minutes 4 days a week. Cardio helps clear my mind, it helps me sleep better at night, and it's healthy. It's also really important for me because I have cholesterol issues.

I am going to do yoga for a minimum of 30 minutes once a week.

I am going to eat three meals a day Mon-Fri. Saturdays and Sundays are excused because I love brunch.

I'm going to take five minutes before bed every night to think about what I'm thankful for. I am shamelessly stealing from Erin here but it sounds like a good thing to do. And I'm hoping it will lessen the nightmares. (Last night I dreamt I had both leukemia and HIV and that I was literally a few days away from dying. Pleasant no?)

I am going to restrict my internet use to two hours a day on Saturdays and Sundays. So I can still use my computer to say, write the novel that I've been putting on the back burner forever and ever, but I can't use it to aimlessly wander the internets all day.

I think that's all. It's going to be difficult for me to accomplish, but I have high hopes that it will lead to an improvement in my quality of life, and that it will free up time for me to do things like write or read books or practice guitar or cook.