Let's Back Up

There's a story, a story I've been reluctant to tell, because I'm not sure how to tell it the right way. But I'm going to do my best, so bear with me.

About a month ago I was at the Vons to buy my monthly bus pass for July. I was late for work, and normally, I would have been grouchy and impatient. But, as it happened, I was in a good mood, it was a beautiful day, and, for once my sense of perspective hadn't deserted me. So I was standing in line, idly looking at the magazines, when I became aware that the woman in front of me was kinda ... hysterical.

Apparently she'd either lost her wallet or it had been stolen earlier that day, I couldn't figure out which, and she was trying to pay for her packed sandwich by check. Except, of course, the Vons clerk wanted to see her ID, and since she had lost her wallet, she didn't have one. And so they were going on and on in a little circle.

"I'm sorry ma'am, I need some ID, those are the rules."

"Well how can I show you ID if I LOST MY WALLET!!"

Now, frankly, this woman wasn't doing herself any favors. She was growing more and more stressed out, and when the store manager asked her is she could give them her license number she didn't do anything to meet him half way. She could have said, "Sure. I will get you my license number." 

But instead she was talking about how her checking account was FINE, and yes she could get them her license number but she didn't KNOW it, and she didn't have TIME, and so on, and so on.

So I'm watching all this, and I'll tell you straight. My normal response would have been to get huffy like her. To start tapping my foot. To wonder why the HELL I picked this DAMN LINE when I'm late for work. 

My normal response would have been to take her histrionics, and top it.

But, I didn't. I'm not sure why. Maybe because it was the month of the Giving Challenge and it was having a positive effect on me. I don't know. The point is, I looked at this semi-hysterical woman and I thought, "This woman could be me."

She was freaking out because she a) lost her wallet today and b) because she was starving. Her blood sugar had probably bottomed out, and that's why she couldn't keep it together. 

And because I saw myself in her cranky, fatigued self, I shifted. Instead of thinking, "God, why can't this woman get her act together and stop acting like a crazy person? She's holding up the line!" I thought, "This is a person who needs someone to be nice to them."

So I piped up.

"I'll pay for the sandwich," I told the Vons clerk.

"Okay!" said the Vons clerk, clearly relieved at having the situation finally solved.

Meanwhile the woman was floored.

"What? No, no, you can't do that!"

"It's okay, really. It's like six bucks. And you're starving. Don't worry about it," I said.

"Well, no, I mean, I haven't eaten lunch, but it's not like I can't afford food. I do eat. I'm not ACTUALLY starving!"

"No, no, I get it. I totally know what you mean. But seriously, don't worry about it."

And the woman looked so relieved to have her sandwich, to have something going right in this really crappy day, that I really couldn't have cared less about the six bucks. But she, who a minute ago had been extremely difficult with the Vons clerk, was now extremely eager to repay me even though I said it wasn't necessary.

I told her she could write me a check, since I didn't need to verify her ID. 

She wrote me the check, promised me the money was in the bank, handed me her card in case anything went wrong, and thanked me effusively.

I didn't cash the check. I have no doubt the money is in there, and perhaps I will cash it yet, but for now, I prefer to see that check as a reminder.

See, I tell you this story, and this is why I said this was tricky. I'm not telling this story so you can see what a good person I am. I'm not particularly good. I'm not particularly bad either. I have my moments of kindness, and my moments of bitchiness like everyone else. At that moment, I was a good person, but believe you me, there have been plenty of moments of bad, selfish behavior in my past, present, and future.

But you see, this story isn't about me. This story is about a woman who had a really crappy day. This story is about a woman who wasn't particularly good, nor particularly bad, but who was crabby because she had lost her wallet and hadn't had lunch, and now the Vons clerk was giving her a hard time. And because she was having a bad day, and the Vons clerk was being difficult, she responded by being similarly difficult. Which, I think, is human nature. And when someone did something nice to her, she snapped out of her crabby funk, and became the generally decent human being she probably is most of the time.

I tend to spend my life wondering why people don't cut me slack when I'm having a bad day or I make a mistake, and yet, the minute someone else is cranky or rude or difficult or makes a mistake, I become Judgey McJudgerpants. "What a terrible person that is who just stole my parking spot!" "Oh my God, how long is that guy going to whine? Get OVER it!" "That bubble head is totally not paying attention to anyone else on the street. She acts like she owns to road!"

And I don't stop to think that terrible person might have spent the last 20 minutes listening to a screaming toddler. Or that the whining guy might have had his heart broken recently. OR that bubble head might not actually be a bubble head, but might have made an honest driving mistake, and she might actually be sorry for pulling out in front of my car like that.

But you see, when I assume the worst about people, it never makes the situation better. Instead, it makes me cranky and badly behaved because I'm so busy stewing and judging other people. And when people see me cranky, well ... they feed off that.

Humans are responsive beings. 

By contrast, when I am nice to someone, even if it's someone I don't really like, frequently that person will turn around and surprise me by being super nice back.

That's why I keep that check. To remind myself that while yes, human beings can be cranky and rude and selfish and dumb, we also have a great capacity for love and kindness and good.

That kindness begets kindness. And crabbiness begets crabbiness. 

That I am not a saint, not a devil. I am not better nor worse than anyone else.

And at the end of the day? That I should err on the side of cutting people slack. Because, here's the kicker. I would rather believe in the basic goodness of human beings. When I believe people are good, I strive to be good as well. I am happier, more generous, and just nicer when I focus on the positive rather than the negative.

So even if I cut someone slack who doesn't deserve it? Who really is rude or mean or selfish all the time? Who cares? That person already has a miserable life without my adding to it. 

But most likely, that person isn't a terrible, mean, selfish person. They're just a human being with good days and bad days. Just like me. Just like everyone else.

Cheesemaking Giveaway

About six weeks ago, I was reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, when I became obsessed with the idea of making my own cheese. "It'll be awesome!" I decided. And so, I set about to order the supplies for cheese: rennet, citric acid, and most egregiously, cheesecloth. (The rennet and citric acid are at least food. The cheesecloth, not so much.)

But even the cheesecloth would have been fine, had I actually, you know, used it. Except I didn't. The box has literally been sitting unopened for over a month. I am so not going to make my own cheese.

But maybe you are? If you want to try your hand at making mozarella, please leave a comment. I will select one person to receive my cheesemaking supplies. Included are the rennet, citric acid, and the butter muslin, so all you'll need is your own thermometer and a pot. And some milk. Read here to find out how to make the mozarella.

ETA: You have until Wednesday, July 2nd at 8:00 am to enter.

Flotsam and Jetsam

I ended up NOT sending the scrub with my letter to The Body Shop. I really, really wanted to, but I decided that I might get a more positive reception if I didn't. Besides the person who opens the package is not the one who made the decision to carry the scrub, and I would imagine it would be disconcerting to open the mail and have a half used scrub in there. But here is the letter I sent both to Customer Care and the president of The Body Shop America:

June 23, 2008

Attention Customer Care:

I am a longtime customer who recently purchased a facial scrub from The Body Shop- the Vitamin C face polish. My decision to buy a product from The Body Shop stemmed mainly from my apparently mistaken belief that The Body Shop was an environmentally sensitive company.

I’ve been buying Body Shop products for about 10 years now, and I have watched the slow erosion of the ecologically-minded company I once loved. But when I found out that the face polish contains polyethylene or microplastic that is killing sea life, I was horrified.

Plastic doesn’t biodegrade. So when that face polish goes down the drain, those teeny bits of plastic eventually land up in the oceans fully intact. Once in the ocean, the plastic can be accidentally swallowed by a whole host of marine animals. Please note, that our sewage systems do NOT treat water to remove microplastic, so the plastic does not get removed during treatment. For further reading, see this article at Slate: http://www.slate.com/id/2193693/.

I know that The Body Shop holds “protecting the planet” as one of its values. So I was deeply disappointed to see that The Body Shop is actively destroying sea life with this project. I urge you to pull this product and any other products that contain polyethylene. Scrubs can be made in ecologically sensitive ways. For example, St. Ives Apricot Scrub or Burt’s Bees Deep Pore Scrub use natural
ingredients that do not harm marine life.

I hope that I can remain a Body Shop customer. I have been using your Vitamin E moisturizer for years now, and it would be a shame if I had to discontinue using your products. But I simply cannot continue to patronize The Body Shop if you continue to carry products containing polyethylene.

Thanks for your time

Let's see if I hear anything back. In other news, A Crunchy Tribute is almost coming to an end. We've reached almost $2,000 in donations. If you have been meaning to donate, but haven't gotten around to it, do it soon! I'm going to donate again, so Crunch, there will be another Lunapads kit coming your way.

Happy Wednesday!

Confidential to Equa Yona, do you still want that book? I emailed you, but haven't heard from you. Email me your address! You can reach me at arduousblog (at) gmail (dot) com.

Tribute to An Original

It is difficult in one short blog post to encapsulate the font of wisdom that is Crunchy Chicken. I mean seriously. That would be like Luke Skywalker writing a short blog post about everything he learned from Yoda. Or Frodo writing a 500 word article for Hobbit's Quarterly on what Gandalf taught him. Except Crunchy uses proper grammar, and she's not an old bearded wizard, but a six-foot tall blonde bombshell.

Anyway, I could talk about how Crunchy is the reason I'm a diva girl. Or I could talk about how it was thanks to her that I became compulsive about food waste, eating truckloads of bacon (for the Earth!) and re-ingesting my own vomit (okay, only kidding about that one.)

But what Crunchy has really taught me is at once more intangible and more important. Because it is from her that I have learned about the importance of community. I've learned about strength in the face of adversity. And hell, if I could approach my life with 10% of the passion Crunch approaches every single day, I'd think I was doing pretty good.

The reason I love Crunchy's blog, the reason we ALL love Crunchy's blog is because she inspires us, daily to be better people. She provides a place for us to try out new ideas, to stumble, to make fun of ourselves, but ultimately to grow. When Crunchy challenges us to be better, to live lighter, to work harder, it is always with the sense of fun, as if she is saying to us, "Come on people! You just have to try this because it will be so freaking cool to live without a fridge or appliances!" Even on the very rare occasion she doesn't convince me to try her newest crazy idea (keep your hands off my fridge, Chicken) I admire her vitality, and her enthusiasm.

It's fitting I think that I pay tribute to Crunchy this month, during the Giving Challenge, because Crunchy is another person who gives of herself as a way of life. Whether it is raffling off diva cups, sharing information about rust cleaner, or giving to girls in Africa, Crunchy is forever generous with her money, her time, and her heart. That she does this all, even as she endures personal difficulties, is a true testament to her generous nature and caring spirit. 

It is because of this, that we want to honor Crunchy today, that we want to give back to her. If you are one of the many people Crunchy has touched, help us give back to her as we attempt to raise $5,000 for her organization Goods 4 Girls. For details on how you can give back to Crunchy, please visit our tribute website, A Crunchy Tribute.

Thanks, Deanna. I am better for having you in my life. We all are.

Your friend (whom you've never met)

Arduous

Etc, Etc & A Blog Give Away

Changing Focus: Part Three will be coming next week. Probably Monday. I know, I promised it to you today, but I'm pretty tired, and I'd rather finish it up next week when my head doesn't feel all full of cotton.

The Giving Challenge is ... harder than I thought, mostly because it's not always easy for me to come up with some simple way to squeeze giving into the average work day. Any suggestions? I have been making it a point to act more polite and positive in general. Even when I'm getting put on hold by my cable company's customer service. Especially then. And it turns out staying positive actually is better for my psyche too. 

On an unrelated subject, I somewhat arbitrarily made the choice to not put my picture or my name up on this blog. (Mostly for Google search reasons.) However, if you are interested to see what I look like, there is a picture of me up on the Breakthrough blog. You'll have to scroll down to the post about Gandhi to see it.

Finally, for today's giving, I'm giving away a book on my blog. It has nothing to do with the environment, but it's an enormously fun novel and a quick read. It's called The Thirteenth Tale, by Diane Setterfield, and if you like literature, mysteries, ghost stories, and are looking for an easy summer read, this is your book. If you're interested, please leave a comment specifying that you would like to be included in my little book raffle. 

ETA: Oh I can't believe I forgot to mention this, but someone STOLE my bath mat the other day from the laundry room!! Can you believe that? Why would you STEAL a two year old bath mat? I am trying to be zen about the whole thing in the spirit of JuGiveMo, but it is a little annoying especially because I can't just go out and BUY another bath mat. Sigh. Stupid stealer of my bath mat. It was so cute and yellow and matched the devil duckies in my bathroom. I miss it. Sniff.

The Stealing Challenge- JuGiveMo

Yes, for the month of June, I am stealing from Siel, Burbanmom, and Joyce! See, a few months ago, Burbanmom came up with what might have been my favorite challenge ever: The Giving Challenge. Then last month, Siel challenged herself to give for 29 days. And then for another 29. As for Joyce, well let's just say Joyce doesn't need a giving challenge because she pretty much gives of herself as a way of life. 

Anyway these ladies inspired me so much that I decided to steal their idea! (Sorry for freaking you out Burbs, you can take off the 12 locks you just put on your door.)

For the month of June, I pledge to give of myself every day this month. I'll be practicing giving in all different kinds of ways. Some days I will give monetarily whether it's to a charity or a dollar to a homeless person. Other days I might be giving stuff away, and still other days I'll be giving my time. But every day, I'll be giving.

Now you might be wondering, isn't this an environmental blog? What the heck does giving money to a homeless person have to do with the environment?

And of course, it is true that if I give a dollar to a homeless person, I'm not directly helping the environment. But what I've learned is that everything is interlinked. And after all, the reason I'm an environmentalist is ultimately because I care about the people on this planet. 

I also believe learning to give of myself is as important a skill to learn as any. The challenges of global warming and peak oil are great indeed, but I firmly believe that by building a community, and by giving of ourselves, we can overcome these challenges and create a better world for everyone on Earth.

Plus, it's my birth month. And since us non-consumers aren't so big on the whole getting stuff thing, I thought it would be fun to flip things around. So instead of celebrating by getting, I'm gonna celebrate by giving. And I have to tell you, I'm pretty stoked to be partying this way.

So follow along with me this month as I give it away, give it away, give it away now. To kick off the month, I'm donating $25 to my friend Wom. She is a total super hero, and is running a marathon for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society in memory of our friend who passed away earlier this year. Thanks Wom! I'll be running with you in spirit. But not in practice. Because that's fracking HARD yo.