I'm going to think it over and post about it ... maybe even make a life list or a 40 before 40. But, I also think we sometimes give short shrift to what we've already accomplished. January is all about new resolutions, and not enough about goals achieved.
So I thought, instead of a typical New Year resolution post (I'll still write that ... just not now), I'd do something a little different.
The last time I moved house, I found an old list buried away entitled "By 30." It's a list of things I wanted to accomplish by the time I was thirty that I wrote with my roommates one drunken night right around the time of our college graduation.
I initially approached the list with a little trepidation. I hadn't really read it ... probably since that drunken night almost ten years ago. Was this going to make me feel bad about myself? Was I going to feel like my 22-year old self would find my thirty-plus self sort of pathetic?
Turns out ... not so much. I was surprised to find how many of the things on the list I actually did achieve. And of the stuff that I have not, some of it no longer matters to me, and some of it ... well it's going on my by 40 list. I haven't done everything I wanted to do, but I'm definitely not pathetic.
Here's the list with my notes:
By 30, I want...
1) An exciting life - Yes. Well I think it's relatively exciting anyway, and I'm all who matters.
2) To have lived in Europe- Yes! Best decision ever.
3) To be an activist- Yes, I think what I do here (and elsewhere) counts.
4) To be a social worker- No? This is very weird ... I didn't know I ever wanted to be a social worker. But I do like to help people, and I think I have done that from time to time.
5) To work for Miramax- Sorta? I never worked for Miramax specifically, and I really don't care. I have worked for a number of other film and television companies in various capacities.
6) To be creative- Yes, I think I've been fairly creative, though perhaps not as much as I would like (2nd barely written novel looks forlorn in a corner)
7) To be well liked - Yes? I think I'm reasonably well liked, and at least by the people that matter to me, I feel pretty comfortable in saying that I love and feel loved
8) To be successful at work- Yeah, I think I've been reasonably successful, but I also feel like this is a constant goal to be successful and to continue to be successful.
9) To know how to play guitar- No. BOOOOO. This is something I've really wanted to learn for years now. Time to finally make time.
10) To be on the cover of a magazine- No. Don't care.
11) To be sexy- Heh. Well, my fiance finds my sexy, and that's kinda all that matters.
12) To be thin- Yup. Of course, I no longer eat cheese. Or butter. Or a whole host of other delicious foods. But I am think. And more importantly, my cholesterol is relatively in check.
13) To be married- Not quite. But this fall!
14) To be a mother- No. I'm okay that this didn't happen by 30, but it's on my life list.
15) To find my great love- Yup.
16) To be happy- Yup.
17) To be content- Hmm... I'm pretty happy often, but content? Content is something I need to work on.
18) To be able to speak Hindi- Well, it's pretty rusty ... This is another one that I want to work on.
19) Some answers- Sure, I guess I have some. Not all. But some? Yeah, I think so.
20) Money- Heh. Well, I'm not Scrooge McDuck, but I do have more money than I had at 22.
21) To be successful- Yeah. I feel generally successful, but again, I think this is an evolving goal.
22) A house- Not yet. Hopefully in the next ten years.
23) To have good friends- Yes. I am blessed with the most amazing friends that walked the planet. And for that, I am forever grateful.
24) To be an actor- Been there, done that.
25) To have been acting- Not sure what the distinction was supposed to be here... I'm chalking this up to my drunkenness.
26) To have seen the top 100 movies- No. Don't really care.
27) To be singing again- Well, not as of this moment. And it's something I really want to get back into more seriously.
28) To have helped- I'd like to think I have helped a little in some way. I hope to continue to help in the future.
29) To be settled- Yeah, I'd say so.
30) To be smart- Well, I guess I'm smart enough. I still have a lot to learn though.
31) To use tampons- Heh. This is funny because I always hated them but also hated maxi pads. Luckily, my life, in this aspect, is even awesomer than I could IMAGINE when I was 22, because I use a diva cup.
32) To not be afraid- Mmm. I think I still am often rooted in fear. But maybe fear is okay ... as long as you accept your fear and don't let it prevent you from acting. I don't know. I think I still have work to do on this one.
So ... out of 32 goals (really 31, since one was basically a repeat), I've accomplished or somewhat accomplished 20. Of the remaining 11, I hope to accomplish 8, and I don't care about 3.
Not bad for a drunken life list that was shoved in a box for the past nine years. And what I love about the list is that it also reminds me that, at my core, I'm much the same person who I was at 22. I may be wiser, saner (I hope), and more confident and at ease with myself, but ... I'm me. Even several career changes and dreams later. And there's something so comforting about that.