Not Dead Sire, Merely Wounded

So.

I know I haven't posted for a majillion years.

It's funny actually. There have been times where I haven't felt like posting. Where I've gone weeks without posting, or where I have posted out of guilt, but where I felt like I didn't have much to say.

This hasn't been one of those times.

In fact, the posts have been building up in my brain. So many things I wanted to tell you all. So many questions I wanted to ask.

I made Melinda's pan-crack the other day (remember those?) I used one egg instead of two for cholesterol reasons, and stuffed tons of raspberries in each one. They were as delicious as ever.

I have continued to experiment with deodorants. Wasn't a fan of the Crystal. Liking the baking soda better.

I once again have a commute that involves a half hour walk to the train. And I love it.

And I now compost!! After years of being scared that worms were going to eat my face, I solved my composting problem by ... moving to a city that does industrial composting. Woohoo for living in San Francisco!

In fact, dear readers, I wanted to tell you all this and more. I've missed the online community here. I just ... and trust me, I know this is a lame excuse, but believe me dear readers, it's all I got.

I just haven't been able to find the time.

In brief, since I left London in September I have:

Spent a couple weeks in India

Moved to New York for two months for an internship with the UN

Moved back to California after internship ended

Met boy

Learned to ski, fall down, learned to not cry so hard when I fall down

Moved in with boy

Got a job

Got another job

Basically, for the past several months, life has taken over. In a good way, mind you, but it's been a struggle to keep my head above water.

So, I'm not sure what the future is for my blogging. I'd like to say, "I'm back!" but I'm not sure that's realistic.

I do know that my brain is full of blog posts itching to get out. I do know I miss writing on a daily basis. And I do know I want to come back to blogging.

So, you should see posts here now and then. They may be irregular and infrequent, but ... that's what Google Readers are for, right?

And now, dear readers, I am out to enjoy the (comparatively) rare San Francisco sunshine.

Nutritional Rules

I've been thinking a lot about Michael Pollan lately.

That famous line.

Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.

Were it that easy!

I know, I know, some of you are thinking, "Oh but it IS that easy, Arduous, it IS!"

And I admit it SHOULD be that easy.

But.

I recently went to the doctor and was advised that I needed to lower my cholesterol. So I've embarked on a pretty serious diet in order to lower that number FAST.

What do I eat?

Well, plants mostly. Today I had an apple, three oranges, and a banana as snack. Most days I eat a nice big spinach salad or a vegetable stir-fry. Something with plenty of veggies and a little helping of nuts for taste, texture, and protein.

And a lot of whole grains. Cereal, whole grain bread, etc.

And for good measure, I take a fiber supplement.

Except that apparently if you eat a lot of fiber, some vitamins might go unabsorbed. So, since I eat all the fiber and the fiber supplement, I also need to take a multi-vitamin.

And the doctor also said I should take a calcium pill.

And then there are the supplements I take because well, I should be having fish daily, but I can't, because of the mercury. So instead I get my omega-3 in a fizzy drink.

So, I have fiber supplements. Multivitamins. Calcium. And fizzy drink with omega-3.

I tell you, it's pretty exhausting.

And I've realized, in the past few weeks, that really, we DON'T know how to eat any longer. Because, for the life of me, I'm not sure how I've ended up with all these supplements and why.

But I also want to follow my doctor's instructions.

So ... I guess I'm eating food. Not too much. Mostly plants. And a whole lotta supplements.

Is Not Shopping Sustainable?

A lot of times when a person engages in a one-year challenge, it's assumed to be a stunt. A stunt that cannot be continued over the long term.

When I began my non-shopping challenge I wasn't sure how long I could keep it up, but I assumed that it would be hard to continue for more than a year.

However, two and a half years after I started this challenge, I'm beginning to believe not shopping is a fairly sustainable option.

Sort of.

Let me explain. I still rarely shop. When I do, I engage in throes of agony. Do I really, really, REALLY need this shirt? I know it's only $20, but do I really need it? Do I love it? Will I wear it a lot?

Most of the time I don't need or love the shirt enough to deal with the ensuing guilt. So I exit the store sad and empty-handed.

But I still need to, you know, wear clothes. And clothes wear out. Weight fluctuates. Put simply, one cannot just rely on one's wardrobe from 3+ years ago.

Enter my friends.

See, most of my friends still shop. They're not shoppers, per se. They don't go to the mall every weekend. They aren't competing with Carrie Bradshaw for number of shoes. But still. They do buy new clothes and then they have old clothes that they want to get rid of.

So they give them to me.

In the past year, I've revamped my wardrobe simply by going through my friends' Goodwill bags. The white and black cardigans I wear everyday? Came from my friends. The black ballet flats? My sister. Those nice work pants? Yup, that once belonged to a friend.

So, yeah, I can continue to update my wardrobe and not shop ... with a little help from my friends. It's not a sustainable life for everybody ... obviously if all my friends were like me and never shopped and wore their clothes until they were falling apart, I wouldn't be able to pick up new clothes from their Goodwill bags. And every so often, I do cave, and buy that $20 shirt from Banana.

But the truth is, I need fewer clothes than I ever thought before I started this challenge.

So, not shopping. Sorta sustainable. At least for me.

Building Up My Cooking Muscles

As most of you know because I whine endlessly about it, I hate to cook.

But I like food.

And honestly there is nothing about the cooking process that I inherently dislike. It's just that I don't think I'm a great cook, it is time consuming, and it involves constant grocery shopping. It's just easier for me in many ways to say, "Screw it," and just go out to eat.

But eating out isn't sustainable in a number of ways. And frankly, I know that I don't want to always be the person who doesn't know how to cook. I don't want to be feeding my children (if and when I have them) microwave dinners because I don't know how to cook. I want to be able to cook. I recognize the value of the skill.

And that's why I'm making a concerted effort to cook at home more. Sometimes, dinner is pretty simple. Last night, we had grilled chicken and a salad. Sometimes, I'm up for something more complex. But I realize that ultimately, I just have to stop whining and DO it.

Cooking is like working out. At first it sucks, and you're terrible and you feel gross afterwards. But after a while, it gets easier and you actually enjoy it. (So I'm told. I'm also horrible at working out.)

So, we're starting small. Baby steps. Simple things. And hoping that one day, I'll have built up those cooking muscles and have a lovely repertoire of recipes I make well.

Eating Healthier for Me and the Planet

As regular readers of this blog may be aware, I have high cholesterol issues. My father passed away at a relatively young age from a heart attack so there is a clear genetic component here. In fact, when I was in college and a vegetarian, I had my cholesterol tested and it was around 270. I still remember my doctor's disbelief to this day. "This is a vegetarian's cholesterol level?!!"

She quickly decided that, clearly, I needed to be on medication. Stat. And so, at the tender age of twenty, I was put on cholesterol drugs.

However, I was unsure myself whether or not this was really the right course of action. Starting cholesterol medication at twenty meant I could be taking these drugs for sixty plus years. Many of these drugs simply haven't been around that long. In addition, I knew I couldn't be on the drugs when I was pregnant or breast feeding. So, to me, it seemed like I should at least try to see if I could lower my cholesterol without drugs. (I should note at this time that I am talking about the right course of action for MYSELF. I would personally rather not take the drugs, but I'm not saying that others should not or that it may not be the right choice for someone else.)

And I found that by changing my diet, I was, in fact, able to lower my cholesterol levels. By eating healthier, I got my cholesterol down to a manageable level.

No drugs needed.

But while I was in graduate school, I really let go of many of my good eating habits. And though I've gotten better about my eating while un(der)employed, and though I've started running more regularly, I'm really nervous that my cholesterol has spiked and that my doctor is going to recommend the drugs again.

In fact, I have a physical scheduled in a couple weeks, and whenever I think about it, I get a little freaked out. What if, what if, what if, what if?

The thing is, I know better. I *really* know better. I know that if I followed our friend Michael Pollan's food rules I could not only reduce my environmental impact, but I could also keep my cholesterol under control.

I'm hoping desperately that my cholesterol levels are not out of control. But if they are on the high side, I hope I use that knowledge as a wake-up call. Hell, even if they are on the lower side, I could still use a wake-up call. 

Because I know that it is not inevitable that I suffer from heart disease. And by eating healthier, I can both help the planet and myself.

Is Moderation More Difficult than Deprivation?

The title of this post may at first seem ridiculous. How can moderation ever be more difficult than deprivation?

But I submit to you that we Americans as a society have a hard time with moderation.

We understand how to give things up entirely. We know how to diet. We know how to save money when we get laid off. We get that the best way to get over an addiction is to abstain entirely.

But when we've lost the weight or get a new high paying job, we become unsure of how to find balance.

I can have a box of chocolates next to me for a month and I will not eat a single chocolate. If I open the box to eat just one, suddenly the box disappears in two days. It's easier to give up chocolate because after a while, you forget how much you liked it. You adjust to a chocolate-free life. But eating just one chocolate a day? Requires a level of will-power that I'm not sure I have.

When I was an eco-nut, life was easier in a way. My life was defined by the environment and my environmental choices. I gave up heat. I gave up convenient frozen dinners. I gave up air conditioning. I gave up shopping.

And gradually, that just became my life. I forgot what life was like with air con. I forgot how convenient it was to just pick up a Trader Joe's salad.

Now I'm trying to find middle ground, and yet I often worry that I'm sliding too far back. I turn on the space heater, fully intending to turn it off in twenty minutes, and then ... I don't. Because it's so lovely and warm and I LOVE HEAT. I plan to cook, but then the conference call that was supposed to last twenty minutes lasts for an hour, and I've run out of cumin, and it's raining outside.

In a way it would be easier for me to say, you know what? Screw it? I can't find moderation, so I better just abstain. But I'm not sure that's the better answer. The healthier answer. The sustainable answer.

In the comments of the post on dieting that I linked to above, one woman talked about how she craves sugar. And how she was wondering if she could have cake to celebrate her PhD or if, knowing her cravings, she should forgo the cake. And another commenter pointed out that a life in which one cannot have cake to celebrate one's Ph effin D is a little sad.

And yet, somehow, cake in moderation is more difficult to achieve than it should be.

The Indecisive Grocery Shopper

I always wonder whether the clerks at the checkout stand are judging my grocery selections and perhaps secretly wondering what my criteria are when buying groceries.

The truth is, I have no real criteria.

Okay, that's not true. Given the choice, I will almost always choose organic. Unless I decide to choose local. Or fair-trade. Or plastic-less. Or high fiber. Or delicious. Or low-fat. Or less expensive.

I think most people would agree, the grocery store is a daunting place for us eco-types. I can spend ten minutes easily staring at the cheeses trying to decide if I should go for the local California cheese that's non-organic but is low fat, or the decidedly non-local European cheese that is also organic but also expensive.

In a perfect world, I'd buy all organic, local, groceries and I'd only shop the perimeter of the grocery store or I wouldn't even be at a grocery store because I'd only shop at food co-ops and farmers' markets.

Sadly, the reality is that I spend a lot of time in Whole Paycheck instead. Which isn't the worst place to shop for groceries, but also isn't the best place, either.

So, I'm curious. Does everyone else decide on the fly what to buy organic versus local versus plastic-free versus choose your own adventure? Or do some of you have actual systems and priorities?