Yeah, I know you are sooooo surprised. Moi? Issues? Never!!
Okay, but here's the thing. I don't think I can shop. It's kinda freakin me out and making me all rashy and nervous.
Par example, today I was on Amazon buying some books because, well I got a pretty sweet gift card for my birthday and I have been sitting on it because of the freegan challenge. I ordered five used books for the plane (two books on my reading list for school and then Big Green Purse, Commonwealth and Guns, Germs, and Steel.) Used books, fine. No rash. All normal, all good. I've been buying used books all year, so nothing new here.
And then I went to order Stuffed and Starved and The Post-American World. These are both books I've been DYING to read (shut up, I'm a geek, okay?) and I've been on the list at my library for centuries. They're also very recently published. Which means that there aren't a lot of used copies. Which means that the new copies are actually CHEAPER than the used ones on Amazon.
So, I have a gift card. (I also have two Barnes and Noble gift cards and a Borders gift card. People apparently know I like books?) Isn't the answer obvious? I REALLY want to read these books. They are cheaper new. I should just buy them new, right? I can buy new stuff!
But, I couldn't do it. I don't know, I don't know why. I just couldn't wrap my head around the idea of buying something new. So I didn't order either book.
And with everything else, it feels the same. Yesterday I started questioning if I should even BUY underwear. I was like, "Why? Am I really dying over here with my current underwear?" And the answer is no.
The thing is I've gotten so familiar with needs versus wants, that I feel like I can no longer justify buying anything.
I want a new Simple backpack, but I have an old backpack. I want to buy a couple new shirts, but I don't need any shirts. I want a pair of jeans, but ... you know the drill.
Some of it, of course, is that I'm leaving. I'm already overwhelmed with packing. I'm going to be in school for a year, and not working and taking out loans for schooling. It seems irresponsible, frankly, to spend much money on new stuff.
But the truth is, even when you take money out of the equation, even when I have a gift certificate, I'm having a hard time with the new stuff.
I know there is very little I need. But ... isn't it okay to buy something now and again because I WANT to even if I don't NEED to? What's the big deal with buying a new book every now and again, especially if it's a book I really want to read that is cheaper new? And isn't it okay to occasionally buy a pretty new dress just because it's pretty and new?
Or isn't it?
2 days ago